$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
