apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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