I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
