if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
