2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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