You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
