that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
