creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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