Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
