Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
