my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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