I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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