I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he fucked my hip out of place.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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