just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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