I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
