since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dear god my vagina.
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