how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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