OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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