No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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