If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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