Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
