We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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