I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
