The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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