great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize