I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
