Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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