So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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