Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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