It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
