Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
