The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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