I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
