her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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