We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
