i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Someone signed my nipple.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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