so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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