Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
