i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
