Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
