bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
