My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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