i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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