I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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