everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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