nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
