maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
