Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
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I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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