By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
