It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
