on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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