Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
