wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
