He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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