I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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