I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
