Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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