Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
