babies were throwing up all over the place
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
