I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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