it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I lost the right to judge tonight
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
