i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
