i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
