I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
